Afraid of Success

Afraid of success

          It's part of an active lifestyle. Going to the gym, being in shape. It's hard to stay motivated when you're not really working towards anything except the way you look tomorrow. What if you could just push a little harder when you go to the gym and push more often in a routine in order to achieve maximum results. Because why wouldn't you want maximum results? When's the last time you wrote a test but only did 60% of it. Why wouldn't you wanna stay in the gym for that little bit longer to work towards something? If I were to get myself in shape, running, abs, lower back, legs... I could easily play football, and I know it. Looking at my old pictures I kinda looked and was like man... I used to be really in shape back then.

WHAT WAS I DOING?!

             I was outside running with a parachute, I was working out EVERY NIGHT, I was working out in front of girls, I was the guy who RARELY smoked weed, once in awhile to lighten myself up. Now I'm the guy who's really stoned all the time instead of being at the gym EVERY NIGHT and living that active lifestyle I promised myself. Really! It's not that hard. I just have to work towards something. If I'm at the gym 5 nights a week, logically speaking, working out intensely to obtain maximum results than heading home afterwards to write, practice online game or even go out with Cam.. that makes my lifestyle active. I'll be more confident to everyone I talk to because I'll feel like I'm living my potential in my day to day life.

           Realistically, in the end, it comes down to willpower. When one goes out and approaches, every day, he must first condition himself to approach. He has to fight his gut instinct that is telling him "No, don't do it." That same instance applies to me smoking weed. Every day when I wake up it's easy to tell myself that I'm going to go out and approach 10 sets today before I leave the house. Because logically, that is the best thing for me. The more sets that I approach the better I will be at the game. However when I'm in field I'm anxious, nervous, have anxiety but I overcome those obstacles and still manage to go out and approach. I feel that my game takes hits because I get A) Way too comfortable with where I'm at. I should be continuiously pushing myself forward making myself a better person. I know I have so much potential, that is why I'm an introvert lately. I keep on running, keep on trying to be a person who I'm not where if I passively game and actively live a lifestyle outside of pickup my results will increase tenfold. To have a passion to talk about! To ultimately have a commonality with my neighbour in the sence we're both pursuing something we really love.

              I find every time I write these goals I end up quitting the same day, the next day, the next week. It's because I don't have any short term goals to match my long term goals. Writing it down right now, that I want to be a football player, yet not taking any of the nessisary steps to do so every day is a complete waste of time. However, looking at that statement "I want to be a football player." That is an intimidating statement all in its own. I know it's because I must write out my goal, and what it will take to accomplish, how it will affect my lifestyle and how it will make me feel.

Long Term Goal:

To play football, try out for Spring Camp when it comes around.

How will I accomplish this goal:

Working out 5 times per week. Goal setting every day and reflecting on those goals when I'm home. Not making plans Monday  - Friday, unless it's late in the evening. Not justifying it with stupid reasons such as "I need to live an active lifestyle," or "I need to be more social." There's time to be social at work, that is when I should be talking. I must QUIT smoking weed. I will view it in the same sense as approaching women; the less weed I smoke the more effective I will be. The more women I approach the more effective I will be. Those two roads walk hand in hand, and I want to be as effective and efficient as possible. I must replace my bad habit with a good one. Every time I feel like smoking weed I will grab a peice of gum and clean. I feel if I have something to fall back on, something to do when the craving is there it'll make this proccess so much easier. Ultimately I'm at my fork in my road, this is do or die time. I took two years off but realistically, I'm 19. I have plenty of time to pursue the career that I want, to become the person I want to be. I'm still young, and that means that I have alot to learn and I will, in due time. It also means I should be reconnecting with people of the same commonality, I should be helping coach, going to games, surrounding myself with the environment once again.

How it will affect my lifestyle:

I'll be more active, it'll make my lifestyle way more attractive. I'll gain the confidence needed to deal with people in everyday situations. I'll be living my life with a purpose, making everything I do more fulfilling.

How it will make me feel:

On top of the world. Once I start this plan of action I'll know that I'm on my way to becoming that person I've always wanted to be. Once I write every morning about my life and where I want it to go and the present direction I'm headed in and realize that it's positive, and it's more positive every day, it'll make it so that I couldn't be happier.

Daily Goals:

Talk to one stranger NOT at work (on the train, at Tim Hortons, at Sunterra)
Go to the gym, run for 15 minutes, shoulder and trap day, stretch for 10 minutes
Go to the grocery store and buy the essential healthy foods to a good, balanced diet
Come home and reflect on these goals

Daily Reflection

Today I talked to a couple of strangers at the train station, two on separate occasions. One was at the train station on my way to work, girl was walking in front of me and I complimented her on her robin hood boots. It wasn't much but it was a step to talking to people in everyday senarios. The second stranger was the hottest girl I have ever talked to, period, and she was on the train headed to meet Brittany. Could have had a good conversation with her but didn't man up. Every day I make consicious decisions that slightly alter the course of my life. Every decision I make not to talk to someone, even the smallest, will lead me in a negative not a positive direction.

Headed to the gym with Brittany LaLonde, called me up and asked for a gym partner and I couldn't refuse. She was super hot the last time I saw her and I figured it'd be a really good idea. Vibed really well with her, getting used to the idea of hanging out with really hot girls. The game I have is excellerating at an alarming rate thanks to the influences I have in my everyday life. Not only that I feel I'm living with purpose now; I offically have a goal. My daily goal to go the gym was accomplished and it feels good to write it down and realize that I accomplished something.

The grocery store was closed by the time I got back, however I did spend my money on healthy food for tonight which I monged on, have some leftover in the fridge. I'm going to start taking two testosterone pills in the morning and one at night to achieve maximum results.

Daily reflection went fantastic, short and sweet on every goal and that's what matters. Going to go to bed, get as much sleep as possible before waking up tomorrow morning at 6:45 tomorrow.