Nov 18 / 10

Woke up this morning and had a dream that included one of my buddies whom I used to play football with. It wasn't just him though, there was alot of people and they were all chasing me. They couldn't bring me to the ground no matter how many people jumped on me and I remember looking my old friend in the face and saying "You can't tackle worth shit." This is the wierdest, most random dream I could of had at this point in my life considering I'm on track to stepping back on the field. This is what I've come to realize though. In order for me to succeed, I must work the hardest. I must be in the gym for that extra half hour, I have to get up an extra half hour early, I must clean my room and live in a clean space to give my head some room to roam.

I find myself getting lazy, slacking off. It'll start with the simplest thing, like sleeping in an extra half an hour and the next thing I know I'm half hour late for work, I'm dragging my feet all day looking forward to the end of the day. Sit down at the bar have a drink or two and order some wings when i should be at the gym. It's all connected, and I need to be the one who stays on top of myself. Self discipline is the most important thing, especially for myself. Making a comeback is hard, and I know it. It's going to be difficult. I'm going to be doing things that no regular football player would be doing but I'm not regular because I want to be the best there ever was, period. The first step is getting back into the game, and that takes time and hard effort. Self discipline is something I never learned as a child, I always ended up getting what I wanted. It's going to be a hard lesson to learn, and I need to recognize and fully understand that now. When the hard times come, I will be ready for them because I'll look back on THIS day, on THIS writing and say to myself that I knew this would come and I'm ready to say no. The next time someone offers me a drink I'll refuse.. the next time my buddies are smoking a joint I'm out. I'll be in the gym 5x a week, 1x per week at the talisman and 4x at Golds. Talisman will be purely plyometrics and sprints day where as Golds I have a set workout plan.

I've made these plans for myself before and failed. This is not the case with this plan. I've never been so set on achieving a goal in my life before; the daily journals, the dreams. A dream I've wanted since I was in Grade 10 I know that I will never be happy settling for anything less than the turf. This is my life, and I am in control. I always have been, and always will be. I just didn't see it before. I sat back accepting my poor existance. Jay Everson was right. Man I hate writing that sentence that guy and I go way back though and in the end he was right. I wasted 2 years of my life partying and smoking weed with nothing but memories to show for it in the long run. This is a new part of my life saying that I should have listened to the people that knew me best.